If you have been in your LOCKED APARTMENT for the past 48 hours, all alone, it is highly unlikely that you have been raped in your sleep.
You are not an alchoholic if you drink 2-3 beers per month.
The government problably does not in fact have a microchip in your spine and a camera planted in your eyeball so they can see everything you see. That is, unless those things were implanted in you as a baby when you had open heart surgery...ok, now I can understand that the government has got a lock on you...
If you are bending over, with your head 1" from the door, it will probably be hit when I open it.
If your dentures do not stick to your gums, probably not a good idea to superglue them on!
Despite your recent success at cutting off your own arm with a steak knife, you probably do not need to cut off your scrotum and testicles with said knife.
If the doctor asks you if it hurts where he is touching you, and he is NOT TOUCHING YOU, don't answer that he is hurting you.
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Things I Learn From My Patients
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