TLDR: Been in school forever. Done mediocre in med school. Third year, burned out, not happy. Thinking about quitting. Have a few back up plans. Any advice appreciated.
I've been in school for 11 years. Started out pre-med, got derailed into the research world, wasn't happy with that, decided to go to med school (pre burned out). Started med school with high hopes, but these were immediately crushed when I failed anatomy. I was going to do a research track but wound up having to drop this because I remediated anatomy the summer I would have done the majority of my experiments. Also was in the midst of a divorce and to complicate things further I have bipolar disorder, so that is a permanent confounder.
Second year rolls around and at this point I'm just happy to pass everything. I did enjoy some of the clinical stuff we did but I was even more burned out by the time Step 1 happened. Didn't have enough time to study and passed with a lackluster 203. So there goes any real hope of doing more competitive specialties. Feeling pretty bitter at this point.
By the time third year started (1 week after Step 1!), I was thinking, okay, maybe this is finally my chance to shine! But as many of you probably know, third year is a total crapshoot and there is almost no correlation between effort and outcome. This frustrated me. I was considering psych and put more effort into this rotation than anything previously. Did well enough on the shelf to high pass but I worked with a miserable attending who found it physically painful to give any positive feedback. So, I'm completely jaded and cynical and sick of all the bull****.
Now I am taking this block off to do some soul searching. There has been barely anything positive about my med school experience. I hate the hours (not a morning person), I hate the lack of time to take care of oneself, I hate the culture of medicine (hierarchy, having to be PC all the time, etc). I have mixed feelings about patient care, sometimes I enjoy it, sometimes I don't. I did enjoy my neuro and ED rotations, but I don't want to go into a residency just to face the same stress and environment that I've not dealt with well in med school. I haven't performed well, I'm constantly having to adjust my psych meds and I'm 100k in debt again. And so I'm seriously thinking about exiting with the last shred of dignity I have.
I have a master's in chemistry and was doing well in a PhD program in chemistry prior to med school. I could get a job in industry, or return to finish my PhD, but I really don't know what I want out of life. I'm wondering if anyone has any advice for me, such as what kinds of things I should think about with quitting, if things are better at all in residency, if I do decide to proceed, how I should deal with my mediocre performance. Any thoughts on any of this would be appreciated.
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Third year, thinking about quitting
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